In February 2021, I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia (CML) that I believed to be the end of my life. I was wrong.
The first year was hell. I won’t sugarcoat it. Fifteen pills every day. Pain that never stopped. The Imatinib four tablets gave me the impression that my body was at war with itself. Nausea. Blurred vision. I had a sensation that my mind was enveloped in fog.
I couldn’t think straight. Everything felt pointless.
But at some point during those dark months, I began to search online. Not to hope in particular, but to find answers. That’s when I found it. The reality that transformed everything.
CML does not have a permanent cure as far as I know. Nevertheless, there is a way to live normally.
Read that again. You can still LIVE.
The Moment Everything Shifted
I spent months after my cancer diagnosis waiting to die. Then I realized I was still breathing. Still here. If my time was truly up, things would be much worse. But I had a choice.
I can either lie in the bed and allow cancer to take its victory, or I can get up and fight.
My body eventually adapted. The 24/7 pain became manageable. I got to know what pills to take when the pain greeted me. Bad days made Brufen my friend. I have calculated how to balance between sitting, standing, walking, and resting.
With CML, you can never do anything for too long. Sit too much? Pain. Sleep too long? Pain. Stand or walk too fast? Your muscles tell you who is the boss.
You just adapt. Your body tells you when it needs a break. You listen.
What Living With CML Actually Looks Like
Some mornings I wake up with bone pain shooting through my body. Other days start with stomach problems or diarrhea. Then there are mornings when I forget I even have cancer.
That’s the reality nobody tells you about. Beating CML isn’t about being cured. It’s about learning to live between the good days and bad days.
I am not able to drive my body to its maximum. The consequences are devastating when I attempt it. But I’ve learned my limits. Walk slowly. Take breaks. Don’t be stubborn.
The medication that I use, Glynib (Imatinib), four pills a day, also has side effects. Weight gain is common. I went from 55kg to 74kg. Not because of the drugs in my case, but because I have finally started to eat well. When you feel good and there is something to live for, your body responds.
Happiness is medicine too.
The Real Reason I Keep Fighting
Everything was in the eyes of my mother when I was diagnosed. Her world fell apart that day.
During my entire childhood, she made every effort to make me happy. When cancer hit, I saw her pain. That pain in her eyes became my fuel.
I decided right there. I would struggle with all the hard situations in her favor. Make her glad till the final gasp. Make her life as easy as I can.
This is the reason why I wake up on days when I cannot stand the pain. That is why I dress and use cologne and go to the court even when I could not take a step. Not for me. For her.
Find your reason. It might be your mother, your spouse, your children, or a dream that you have not completed yet. But find it. When the worst days come you will need it.
Law Practice With CML: The Unfiltered Truth
I graduated believing that life will become simpler. No more exams. No longer do I have teachers who took cancer as a joke.
I was so wrong.
The starting years in advocacy in Pakistan are not easy. According to the seniors, four to five years will be required before earnings can be sustainable. Right now? The pressure on the budget is growing day by day. Fresh lawyers struggle. Emerging lawyers with CML find it harder.
Whether you are sick or not, it does not matter to the judge. Clients desire results, not excuses. You have to be ready, on time, and prepared to argue just like any other person.
There is no mercy for cancer patients. Perhaps it is different in your country. Not in mine.
There are days when I feel below average in terms of health. I can’t walk. Can barely function. On my non-working days. Relax. Plan tomorrow. You can’t run a marathon if you exhaust yourself in the first mile.
I also learned how to inform my seniors and colleagues about my condition. People know when you tell the truth to them. They understand when you are having bad days. Never of that understanding I avail myself. Keep your image clean. Respect has long-term value.
My senior lawyer walks faster than me. He knows my situation. I simply keep watch of which courts he is visiting and trail behind at my own rhythm. Simple solution. No drama.
Building Something Beyond Survival
In university, I had some teachers which I could not follow what they were explaining. So I created my own notes. Studied everything myself. Then posted those notes to classmates without any form of expectation.
Seeing them go by with my notes? That was my payment. When the results were out and they were happy? That’s what I worked for.
That feeling didn’t end with university. It grew into something bigger.
The reason why Legalsgram exists is that people have difficulties with legal issues. They are not aware of their rights. Their court proceedings baffle them. Legal language scares them.
I am making everything legal easy to ordinary people. I share everything I know, everything I know that people ought to know about their rights or the way courts operate.
That’s living with cancer. Not just surviving, but helping others survive their own battles.
What I Wish Someone Told Me
You are not dying from cancer. You are living with it. Big difference.
Get up every day you can. Dress well. See yourself in a mirror, and love yourself. Do it for you, not anyone else. You love yourself, and people begin to love you as well.
There is no use spending time lying around being sad about yourself. Keep your mind busy. Read books. Learn new skills. Follow your hobby. Devote yourself to something significant.
What you think influences your physical self. Think in a bad way, your body will react in a bad way. Having positive thinking and your immune system improves. You have that choice every single day.
I got engaged a few months ago. Yes, I was afraid she would say no due to my condition. But I proposed when I was in good shape, knowing deep inside that if I had a future, she should be part of it.
I was lucky. Life became happier. Easier. Everything is lighter when you are with a person you love.
Final Words From Someone Still Fighting
Cancer is terrible. It affects everything. Your body, mind, relationships, career, finances.
But you have two choices.
Lay around, act lazy, spoil your time waiting to die.
Or get up and do quality work. Keep your mind busy. Help people. Make a difference.
I choose the second option every day. Some days I fail. Pain wins. I stay in bed. But the next day, I try again.
That’s what living with cancer means. Trying again. Adapting. Finding your pace. Knowing your limits but not letting them define you.
I survived year one when I didn’t think I could. Now I’m in year two of advocacy, year four of CML. My weight is healthy. I play video games in my free time. Enjoy my lone vibes. Mind my own business.
Life is good, Alhamdulillah.
If I can do this, you can too. Not because cancer made us special, but because we’re stronger than we knew. We have to be. We don’t have a choice.
But here’s the secret: once you accept that you’re living WITH cancer instead of dying FROM it, everything changes.
You stop waiting for death and start building a life.
That’s the difference between surviving and living.
Choose living.
You can connect with me on LinkedIn if you have anything to share!