I was a paralegal for four years, and then I had to step into a courtroom as an attorney. Those four years taught me what law school never taught. I observed clients in the waiting room crying after a successful meeting, citing not being heard. I saw great lawyers lose cases they would have won due to arrogance toward the judge. I witnessed collapsing settlements due to the inability of a lawyer to read the wrath in the room.
After gaining one year of experience as an attorney, I have realized it even better. The brightest individual in the room is not necessarily the best lawyer. The most skillful lawyer is usually the one capable of knowing people.
This ability is referred to as emotional intelligence (EQ). It has the capacity to perceive both your emotions and those of other people. Feelings were long disregarded in the legal profession. We played by logic, facts, and the black and white letter of the law. But that is changing. Clients expect more. Juries demand connection. The negotiations that are high-conflict demand cool heads.
In this post, I will tell you why emotional intelligence is no longer a soft skill. It is the most convenient weapon that a lawyer may possess.
The Real Definition of Legal Intelligence
It is common that we consider legal intelligence to be a high IQ. We envision the legal expert who can recall case law obscurantism or write a flawless contract within an hour. That matters. But it is only half the job.
Legal work is human work. All lawsuits, divorces, criminal cases, and business transactions begin with a human issue. The human part can hardly be solved, and the legal part usually does not work.
Law’s emotional intelligence can be broken into four easy habits;
- Self-Awareness: Being aware of when you are angry, tired, or biased.
- Self-Control: Not losing your head when faced with opponent counsel.
- Social Awareness: Reading the room. Is the judge bored? Is the client confused?
- Relationship Management: Developing trust in such a way that people pay attention to your recommendations.
According to research carried out by the Carnegie Institute of Technology, 85 percent of your financial success is attributed to the skills in the art of human engineering, personality, communication, negotiation, and leadership skills. Only 15% is technical knowledge. This has been my case within my brief period as an associate. Most legal scholars are not necessarily those who make the largest business bringers. They are the people that the clients entrust their lives to.
Building Trust with Scared Clients
When things are fine, clients will hardly call an attorney. When they are frightened, injured, or troubled, they call us.
When I worked as a paralegal, it was my duty to serve crying clients with tissues in my hands. The attorney checked the clock, and I listened to their stories. I attempt to recall that feeling now that I am the attorney.
When a client is heard, he tells you the truth. In case a client is not confident in you, he or she may conceal bad facts. They could be subject to lying to paint a better picture of themselves. The secret will be revealed in court and ruin your case.
The thing is that High EQ helps you identify fear in the backdrop of anger. I recently encountered a client who was enraged with an offer of settlement. It was a good offer. It would be a low-EQ approach to explain to him that he is wrong and that there is math behind it. I took a different approach. I mentioned the reason why he was offended. It happened that he was not crazy over the money. He had gone crazy since the other party had not apologized. When we realized that, we modified our approach. The other party had a statement of regret. He signed the deal.
That is the value of empathy. It is not about being nice. It involves making the deal happen.
Reading the Room in Negotiations
Negotiation is not a mathematical problem. It is a psychological game.
I have sat opposite attorneys who yell and bang their fists. They believe that intimidation is effective. Typically, it only causes the other party to stand his or her ground.
The Harvard Program on Negotiation has discovered that emotion is one of the drivers in decision-making. Emotionally intelligent negotiators can anticipate the next move of the other party by monitoring the emotional changes.
The following is a typical situation that I observe. We are in mediation. The opposing counsel is on the offensive. I tend to react aggressively. But my EQ training kicks in. I pause. I question myself: Why is he screaming?
Perhaps, he gave his customer a promise he cannot fulfill. Maybe he is unprepared. Perhaps, he is simply trying to impress his boss.
When you are calm, you master the room. You notice how their argument is full of holes as they are making noise.
Statistics back this up:
- Lawyers who have high emotional intelligence settle better.
- They are quicker to solve cases, and this saves money for clients.
- They receive additional referrals since the opposing attorneys respect them.
I was taught at a tender age that honey attracts more flies than vinegar. With law, you have to secure more favourable settlements in calm confidence than vain threats.
The Paralegal Perspective: Respecting the Team
This is personal for me. I was four years as a support staff. I observed the way lawyers behaved with paralegals, legal secretaries, and clerks.
Some lawyers treat employees as furniture. They bark orders. They incriminate employees for their errors. They never say thank you.
Those lawyers struggle. Their filings get lost. Their messages are not delivered so fast. The employees do not go the extra mile on their own behalf.
Well-EQ lawyers recognize the fact that the staff operates the firm. I would go through fire when I was a paralegal when the attorney asked me about my weekend. I would work late correcting a typing error made by the attorney who had treated me with respect.
I apply that knowledge now that I delegate work to paralegals. I check in on their workload. I explain why a task matters. I give credit when we win.
The result? My team works hard for me. We don’t miss deadlines. We pick up mistakes prior to their departure from the office. It is not merely doing what is good. It is good risk management. A joyful team is one that makes fewer mistakes.
Longevity: Preventing Burnout
Burnout in lawyers is an enormous issue. The hours are long. The stakes are high. Everyone is fighting you.
Burnout comes with low emotional intelligence. Assuming that you absorb all of the stresses of your clients, you will break. When you personalize all the losses, then you will resign.
It is building EQ that provides you with a shield. It can assist in creating a distance between your job and your ego. It makes you learn that you have to care about the problem of the client, but not to destroy your life.
I find young lawyers dropping out of the service in two years due to their inability to withstand pressure. They possess the mind power, but the heart power is lacking.
A study by the American Bar Association shows that the phenomenon of substance abuse and depression is higher among lawyers than in the majority of other occupations. The most effective protection against this is the regulation of emotions. It makes us understand when we are on our limit. It helps us set boundaries.
I ensure that I go offline. Whenever a client starts yelling at me, I take a five-minute walk. I do not bring that anger to my subsequent meeting. Emotional regulation at work. It helps me to guard my mental health while working.
Why Google and Clients Care About This
You may ask yourself why a search engine or a marketing team is concerned with the emotions of a lawyer.
Google desires to present to the user content that exhibits Experience, Expertise, Authoritativeness, and Trustworthiness (E-E-A-T).
You rank higher when you write legal content that appeals to the pain of the user rather than just to his or her legal issue. Users have increased time on your page.
Clients are the same. A robot is not on their agenda. They are looking for a guide.
When you read reviews of law firms by clients, you hardly see them saying that he quoted the statute correctly. You see comments like:
- “She listened to me.”
- “He made me feel safe.”
- She had a clue of what I was experiencing.
These are emotional intelligence reviews. These are the reviews that attract new business.
Practical Steps to Build Your Legal EQ
Your emotional intelligence can be enhanced. It is a muscle, not a gift. Here is how I work on it daily:
1. The Pause Button I allow ten minutes before I write a snarky e-mail to opposing counsel. I re-read it. I remove the adjectives. I stick to the facts. This prevents me the appearance of appearing unprofessional.
2. Active Listening When the client is speaking, I do not think of my next argument. I just listen. I repeat back what they said. It is as though you were worried about the schedule of your children. This makes them relax immediately.
3. Ask for Feedback I enquire of my paralegals whether I was clear or not. I will inquire my mentors as to how I dealt with a difficult meeting. I do not defend myself against the criticism.
4. Watch the Body Language I give attention to hands and eyes. Does the witness look at his lawyer before responding? Is the judge rubba-dubbing his temples? These are clues. Use them.
The Future of Law is Human
Computers are becoming good at the dull stuff. Documents can be reviewed using software. AI can draft basic wills.
But a computer does not hold the hand of a widow. A computer will not persuade a dogmatic DA to dismiss a charge. A computer is not able to interpret the slightest hesitation in the voice of a witness.
Due to the appropriation of technology in the routine work, human skills become even more precious. Those lawyers who prosper over the next decade will be the ones who learn how to relate to human beings.
The fact that I have made the transition to being an attorney rather than a paralegal has revealed to me that the law is not only about rules. It is about people. To become a powerful lawyer, cease acting like a machine. Be a human.
I share more legal stories, insights, and personal reflections on my Medium blog. Feel free to check it out if you’re interested.
